Basketball Leagues That Should Have Been

In the wake of this ridiculous new whites-only basketball league being formed, here are some suggestions of new leagues that would actually make money and be entertaining to watch. The dummy behind this idea should have invested his cash in one of these ideas instead:

The Under 6 Foot Tall Basketball Association – If this existed when I was younger, I would have been all over it. I’d probably still be playing today. I’d be viewed as something like the Karl Malone of the vertically challenged! Alas, it does not exist, and my hoop dreams died when I stopped growing taller around 8th or 9th grade.

Segway-Snuggie-Croc-Nunchuck Basketball – This is kind of like roller derby, but way more kick-ass! It’s a regular basketball game, except the players wear helmets, snuggies over their uniforms and crocs on their feet. There are also two nunchuck wielding segway drivers on each team, clubbing the Hell out of people like gladiators on chariots while leading 35 mph fast-breaks. Sure it’s violent and dangerous…but it has four built-in sponsors: the makers of Segways, the Satanic cult that likely created Snuggies, the evil scientists behind Crocs and the National Nunchuck Enthusiast Foundation.

Prison Yard Games – Talk about your reality TV…This is as real as it gets! When fouls are not called for fear of potentially getting ass-raped after the game, it adds a certain level of intensity to the proceedings.

SNACKSketball – A series of fat people playing one-on-one games to 10, where the winner gets free meals at the restaurant of his or her choice for a week. The loser has to come to the restaurant each day, then sit there and watch the winner eat while handcuffed to a chair. Sure it’s exploitation, but it’s no worse than the racist crap the whites only basketball league is already trying to pull.

If any of you are trying to invest in one of the leagues I thought of, let me know. Let’s get this money!!!

Denis Clemente Horse Shot

I wonder how much time he spent practicing this shot. The rest of his game better be nice, or else the coach is gonna let him hear it! Don’t let this guy miss a free throw or something.  His coach will be like “Uh huh. All that time you spent bouncing balls off the scoreboard, you should have been working on your damn game! GIVE ME 25 PUSH-UPS!!!”

Jerry Stackhouse Dunked On By A Freshman

Someone call Jerry Stackhouse and remind him that he’s not young anymore! People shouldn’t make fun of him for getting dunked on per-se, because that kid John Wall is a highly regarded Kentucky University recruit. He’s supposed to dunk on people. I blame Jerry for not getting the f*ck out the way like you’re supposed to in a pickup game when you’re an established millionaire playing against young guys who can jump out the gym! Ah well. Lesson learned, plus I got something to make smartass remarks about out of the deal. Thanks for your temporary lapse in hoops judgement, Jerry.

Oh yeah, be sure to pick up today’s copy of the Washington Post Express, or check out the Blog Log online. They quoted my Anderson Silva entry.

Tomorrow’s NBA Draft

The NBA Draft is tonight. Since I am actually typing this a few blocks away from the Verizon Center in downtown DC, I thought about the Washington Wizards. They traded away the #5 pick, but judging from last season’s record, the only way that pick was going to make them a title contender would be if they were to use it on Jesus Christ himself, or the ghost of Wilt Chamberlain. Otherwise, it’s unlikely that any one mere mortal can undo the damage for a team that went 19-63. If you were at a game this year that the Wizards won, it’s almost the same odds of winning lottery money. You probably should have played Powerball as well that night! Here’s to hoping that Gilbert Arenas is still good after two seasons of knee problems.

Basketball fans, who are you looking forward to seeing in the league? I already know Anonymousnupe’s answer is going to be Stephen Curry, but I want to hear from the rest of y’all, too.

The Marissa Coleman Appreciation Post

Usually, when I’m talking college basketball, I start and end the conversation with the team I grew up watching, the Georgetown University men. However, Georetown’s season was over before the conversation even began this year, so I’m going to just let John Thompson III take this time to regroup, and instead talk about the my favorite player on the one area team that is doing some damage right now: Marissa Coleman from the University of Maryland.     Read the rest of this entry »

Gym Karma

Once again, God shows me that he has quite the sense of humor. Over the past week at my gym, I’ve witnessed some serious joke-worthy phenomena. I already wrote about the smelly crackhead from the other day, but I didn’t mention the story of how I literally laughed at a man’s pain as he got hit in the nuts by a basketball. I have to mention it now, because karma struck back with a vengeance!     Read the rest of this entry »

Who Let the Crackhead on the Court?

Washington Sports Club is slipping! As much as memberships cost there, one would think that it would be out of a crackhead’s price range. They must have a “Get Your Life Together” discount package or something, because one of the fellows I played basketball against over there was clearly on that stuff…    Read the rest of this entry »