Basketball Leagues That Should Have Been

In the wake of this ridiculous new whites-only basketball league being formed, here are some suggestions of new leagues that would actually make money and be entertaining to watch. The dummy behind this idea should have invested his cash in one of these ideas instead:

The Under 6 Foot Tall Basketball Association – If this existed when I was younger, I would have been all over it. I’d probably still be playing today. I’d be viewed as something like the Karl Malone of the vertically challenged! Alas, it does not exist, and my hoop dreams died when I stopped growing taller around 8th or 9th grade.

Segway-Snuggie-Croc-Nunchuck Basketball – This is kind of like roller derby, but way more kick-ass! It’s a regular basketball game, except the players wear helmets, snuggies over their uniforms and crocs on their feet. There are also two nunchuck wielding segway drivers on each team, clubbing the Hell out of people like gladiators on chariots while leading 35 mph fast-breaks. Sure it’s violent and dangerous…but it has four built-in sponsors: the makers of Segways, the Satanic cult that likely created Snuggies, the evil scientists behind Crocs and the National Nunchuck Enthusiast Foundation.

Prison Yard Games – Talk about your reality TV…This is as real as it gets! When fouls are not called for fear of potentially getting ass-raped after the game, it adds a certain level of intensity to the proceedings.

SNACKSketball – A series of fat people playing one-on-one games to 10, where the winner gets free meals at the restaurant of his or her choice for a week. The loser has to come to the restaurant each day, then sit there and watch the winner eat while handcuffed to a chair. Sure it’s exploitation, but it’s no worse than the racist crap the whites only basketball league is already trying to pull.

If any of you are trying to invest in one of the leagues I thought of, let me know. Let’s get this money!!!