Things I Could Do With $30

I just found an ad network check in my laptop bag from October. I’m pretty successful at this blogging thing, but not successful enough to literally LOSE MONEY like that! The check was just for $30, but I’m saying…I can do a lot with $30! For instance…

Things I could do with $30

• Ball out at Chik-Fil-A until I require medical attention.

• Visit a strip club and make it lightly drizzle.

• Buy some art supplies and paint a portrait of Abraham Lincoln riding a gay unicorn.

• Go to Target intending to buy one thing, and leave with a whole bunch of random impulse purchases.

• Have phone sex with someone in Thailand for about 13-14 minutes.

• Take a date to the movies and sneak in our own fast food.

• Get another random and slightly offensive t shirt.

• Buy a domain name/website, like washyostankinass.com and invite people to post photos of folks that smell bad.
• Donate it to charity in order to get right with karma…
• Invest in the finest pair of sun shades the liquor store has to offer.

As you see, the list goes on and on. This is why I am trying to get my life together and better organize things. Please feel free to share your suggestions of things I could have done with that $30 in the comments section.

The Worst Panhandler Story Ever

As you already know, I’ve had a number of run-ins with panhandlers in the DC area. I even wrote a guide to help them in their begging. I mean, we’re in a recession, and I know I’m an approachable-looking guy, so I’m kind of used to it. Still, there are always those occasions where someone asks me for money and says something so utterly ridiculous that I have to share the story with people. This particular entry is about one of them.

I was coming home from the gym last month, and instead of eating something healthy like I should have, I decided that I wanted some jerk chicken from Sweet Mangos. On my way in, a guy asks me for money to get home. I said “If I have some change on the way out, yeah.” I was feeling good, and it was around Christmas time, so I guess the spirit of giving was in me.

That spirit quickly left once that guy followed me in, counted and said “I need about $3 if you have it. That looks like a you got a five. I can give you two dollars in quarters…”   Read the rest of this entry »

Stay Away From Bubbles

Let me first clarify that title. This is not a message to Michael Jackson, urging him to get rid of his chimpanzee. Nor is it slang for women with nice behinds, because you all know that I encourage being around those kind of bubbles whenever possible. When I speak of bubbles, I mean the economic kind. The ones that leave people living like Anton the Bum from In Living Color when they inevitably burst.

I knew the housing bubble was going to burst, years ago. Not because I’m a broke-assed player hater, and couldn’t afford a decent house of my own back in the mortgage heyday. I knew it because too many other broke-asses were getting loans and buying places that appeared to be beyond their means. I’d have people telling me about their plans to buy their first home, and I’d think to myself “This fool bags groceries at Giant, with credit lower than a crack hooker’s self esteem, yet he’s getting a home loan.” Read the rest of this entry »

“Yeah, I Shot ‘Em, And I Hope They BURN IN HELL!”

I logged onto Yahoo early this Saturday morning, and I learned an interesting fact: My man Samuel L. Jackson is the second highest-grossing movie star of all time, with his collective films grossing $4.34 billion.The only movie star higher on the list than him, is Harrison Ford. When Indiana Jones is the only guy on Earth on your level, that says a whole lot about you. Sam, you have earned the right to carry that “B.M.F.” wallet you oh-so proudly displayed in Pulp Fiction.

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