When The Stank Lingers On…

Have you ever encountered someone so smelly, so rank, so musty…that his/her smell lingers on long after they’ve left? That happened to me yesterday. I performed a little stand up at Looking Glass Lounge, and after my set, this drunk dude came up to me to talk about comedy. He insisted that he had the funniest story on Earth to tell me. This “story” turned out to be a very pointless, incoherent and unfunny play-by-play description of an episode of Blind Date.

The crappy story that wasn’t a story did not bother me. What upset me was the foul smell coming from this guy. It was like dirt, dried sweat, outdoors, foot and ass, coming together like Voltron. If anybody doubts that I’m a nice person, the fact that I actually listened to this guy’s pointless story and withstood his all-out assault on my nostrils should prove that I am kind to a fault. I really should have asked one of the bartenders for access to the cleaning products so I could throw a can of Comet on the guy, or repeatedly spray him with Lysol.    Read the rest of this entry »

Cannot Escape The Stank

My nostrils got assaulted this morning. It was not even a fair fight, because the strike came without any kind of warning. Yes, the invisible enemy known as extreme body odor beat my nostrils within an inch of their sniffling little lives on M Street, NW around 9AM.

I was minding my own business, thinking happy thoughts of breakfast food. Swine! Glorious swine! You know…in my happy place.

All of a sudden, I walk out the door of the little breakfast place, and onto the street. I realize that I’m caught in some sort of tailwind, or gravitational force. Then, as I took my first breath, I realized that this unknown force smelled horrific! It was underarm stench, but an enhanced version. Like Barry Bonds, BALCO steriod body odor.     Read the rest of this entry »