The Stripper Sales Pitch

Last weekend, I watched the Washington Redskins whup up on the Dallas Cowboys over at the home of my mentor, Killer. I was the youngest person there, but I did not mind at all. Sitting with all of those veteran players made me feel like Goldie in that barbershop scene from The Mack.

I just sat back and took it all in, while contributing a few comic gems here and there…

The story that I thought about today for some reason, was one where Killer’s friend C. went to a strip club someplace down south with some friends. He said that he is not big on spending money in places like that, so he was ready to go fairly quickly. Then, a stripper walked over, and this conversation took place:

Stripper: “You want a private dance?”
C.: “No thanks.”
Stripper: “You sure? I can take you in a room in the back…”
C.: “Nah, I’m good. That sounds like some sh*t that would get this place raided by the police.”
Stripper: “You can’t put your hands on me, and you have to keep your clothes on, but I can give you a lapdance that’ll make you cum.”
C.: “Assuming you’re capable of that, which I doubt…You’re telling me that I’m supposed to pay you so I can cum in my pants, then walk around in those same pants for the rest of the night? That doesn’t sound all that appealing.”
Stripper: *Gives up and walks away*

Don’t ask me why I thought about this today, but the memory of that story made me laugh, so I decided to share.

Oh yeah, on a less-trashy note, I want to tell everyone to be on the lookout for my new column on www.blackpower.com once the site officially launches later this month.

Fight Night At The Diner

Last Wednesday, I was out with some friends way later than I initially planned to be. This was mainly due to a little Ethiopian guy who infiltrated our crew by hitting on the most obviously drunken chick rolling with us. Normally, I would have protected my folks from such a scavenger, but I must admit that this fellow amused me. I saw him approach her and make small talk earlier in the night, but she was obviously digging another guy in the bar. You think that one obstacle stopped The Little Ethiopian that Could? Hell no!

This guy literally stood around while she made out with the other man, then waited for the fellow to leave before making his move again. I had to make jokes as we watched right behind them because to me, that seemed pretty pathetic. I said “I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I’d be cool with picking up a chick who just literally got through tonguing-down another man. You kiss her, and you technically just kissed a dude as well! Probably taste his breath still on hers and whatnot. Man-spit getting on your lips from hers. It’s flat-out disgusting!” Read the rest of this entry »

Innapropriate In Honor Of George Carlin

Ladies and gentlemen, the comedy world has lost another giant. I just read that George Carlin passed away due to heard failure. To say that the man was extremely brilliant and prolific would be an understatement. He had a direct influence on many comedians, including the of honest and irreverent style of comedy that I seem to have a penchant for using in order to get my thoughts across to you all. So take some time and check out a few clips of his on YouTube, or actually get one of his comedy albums, stand-up shows, or books so you can have a few laugh in his honor. Trust me, you’ll be happy that you did. It’s crazy, because I was just downloading podcasts of one of his HBO specials from iTunes last night, and haven’t even had a chance to listen to the stuff yet.  I had no idea that the next day, I’d hear that he’s gone…          Read the rest of this entry »