No Escaping Father Time

A few weeks ago, I had a reminder that I’m officially across the “Old School” line. I was out at this little bar, sipping on my beverage, when this cute, newly-minted 21 year old came in with some of her friends. Me, being me, I had to flirt a little bit. Things were going well, until I volunteered one sentence of information too much, and let them know that I’m 30.

The one whom I thought was digging me the most initially seemed to be surprised, then her actions became a lot less flirtatious. My interpretation of her body language went from “This chick is over here undressing me with her eyes” to “Why is she now acting like I’m going to slip something in her drink?“     Read the rest of this entry »

No One on the Corner Has Swagger Like Us

Not that I’d ever bad-mouth a man with guns than the National Guard and John Rambo in his house, but I definitely have to hand it to Clifford Harris and company: This joint right here is my official anthem for the immediate future:

T.I. feat Kanye West, Jay-Z and Lil’ Wayne - Swagger Like Us

Once again, I must thank the good people at The Smoking Section for putting this up the other day. I just opened a random e-mail providing links to a bunch of “World Premiere” music…Most of which has already been posted by the T.S.S. crew, because they stay on their job like no other.

After listening to that, I feel like releasing some arrogant observations. Here goes:     Read the rest of this entry »

Navy Recruiter Attemps Jedi Mind Trick

Last week, I was approached by a couple of Navy recruiters as I was headed to the bookstore. They seemed nice enough, but I have to call them out today because they tried to play mind games on me. Let me explain what I’m talking about…

It was a man and woman in uniform walking towards me, as I made my way to Borders. The fellow looks directly at me and says “What’s up man!” with an excited tone, as if I were someone he knew and hadn’t seen in awhile. Then he raised his hat a little, and looked me in the eye, the way long-lost friends would.

At first, I thought to myself “Who is this guy? I mean, he sort of looks like Josh the local party promoter, and a little bit like the ‘You’re in good hands with Allstate’ dude, but I really don’t remember him.” Read the rest of this entry »

Swagger Soundtrack

Last week, a friend of mine found it amusing that I actually have a playlist on my iPod called Swagger Soundtrack. This list consists of over 500 songs that put me in that uber-confident state of mind. That’s right. Uber confident. I’m talking imported German Chocolate swag. Some next-level sh*t, my friends.

So if you were to make a Swagger Soundtrack, what songs would be on it? Here are a few samples from mine:     Read the rest of this entry »

The Supreme Court Stifled My Swagger

I’m laying low right now, thanks to this Supreme Court decision that says DC’s handgun ban is unconstitutional. To become a world-class sh*t talker on my level, it’s inevitable that you’re going to encounter haters and enemies along the way. I mean, you can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.

Well, technically, you can make an omlette without breaking a few eggs, if you buy a carton of Egg Beaters…

That totally screws up my metaphor. Sh*t.

Either way, there are plenty of people who want to stifle this Hammertime Stealth Ninja Swag of mine.

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All Dressed Up With No Place To Go

I have a hangover. A swag hangover, that is. That Darryl Jenks confidence has carried over to today. Not only am I walking around like my sh*t don’t stink…I’m walking around like it smells like imported designer cologne. My sh*t is smelling real effervescent right now! What’chall know about doo-doo with built-in effervescense?

The only problem is, I have to go to Fredericksburg tonight. I’m looking like a jillion buck, and smelling like own personal brand of effervescent fecal matter, but I’m not going to be able to unleash the potency of this swag on the District of Columbia.    

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