Jimmy Dean is Safe! More Swine For Me!

…I mean, umm…Thank God the man and his family are alright!

A house fire almost took out the Sausage King last night, but luckily, Jimmy Dean and his family escaped unharmed. I know the company would continue to make high quality, tasty swine products even without their founder, but still…The man is a legend to me for the many breakfasts he’s made enjoyable in my house. Even if my arteries are going to turn on me one day, it doesn’t change a thing. If that ever does happen, I hope I’m eating a Jimmy Dean sausage biscuit at the time, because that way I know I’ll die happy! Read the rest of this entry »

Cannot Escape The Stank

My nostrils got assaulted this morning. It was not even a fair fight, because the strike came without any kind of warning. Yes, the invisible enemy known as extreme body odor beat my nostrils within an inch of their sniffling little lives on M Street, NW around 9AM.

I was minding my own business, thinking happy thoughts of breakfast food. Swine! Glorious swine! You know…in my happy place.

All of a sudden, I walk out the door of the little breakfast place, and onto the street. I realize that I’m caught in some sort of tailwind, or gravitational force. Then, as I took my first breath, I realized that this unknown force smelled horrific! It was underarm stench, but an enhanced version. Like Barry Bonds, BALCO steriod body odor.     Read the rest of this entry »

Bacon Addiction

What part of the pig does bacon come from? Although I know that most questions about the origin of processed foods have disgusting answers that you’re probably better off remaning unaware of, I think that I need to hear this. I need to know because I am a bacon addict.     Read the rest of this entry »

The Three Greatest Pleasures In Life

 Life’s three greatest pleasures, as told by Leon:

1.) True love.
2.) Really intense, hot sex.
3.) Barbecue ribs.

There you have it. Emotional fulfillment, carnal fulfillment, and swine. It get’s no better! I DARE you to try and argue with me on this one!!!