…The more people want to “give” me money.
Who knew that the key to winning the European Lottery was to start new mailing addresses? Apparently, they’ve been trying to reach me at my Project Mayhem address for three months. I’ve only had the damned address for about three weeks now. I think I’m going to answer one of those e-mail scams, then tell the sender to meet me next Thursday over by the Big Chair in Southeast because I have a briefcase full of $100 bills waiting for him.
Since the stupid scams people come up with do not require much brainpower to concoct, I’m sure at least one of these so-called ”representatives from the Bank of Africa,“ ”Widows of murdered dignitaries” or “Wealthy cancer patients looking to donate a fortune“ will be greedy enough to make his or her way over to DC for the cash. If so, that person deserves every bit of the videotaped ass whupping that awaits.
I really have to acquire some hacker skills. I want to be able to scare the hell out of the next person who sends me a scam e-mail, by using info on their computer against them. I’ll be like “If you’re REALLY a wealthy nun who escaped some kind of war-torn Sudanese rape camp, how come you were just on eBay, selling fake Jordans? You don’t even have the matching sizes! What the Hell is anyone I gonna do with a 6.5 and a 13?! I suggest you go on back to looking at your little smut videos on BangBros, and never e-mail me again. Don’t make me come find you, Jacob Merriweather at 107 Clack Street…”
Wouldn’t that be fun? Oh yeah, for the sake of all things true and good, DO NOT visit BangBros from your work computer, or the one your wife or girlfriend uses. If you ignore that last sentence and end up getting fired, slapped or some horrible combination of the two, don’t say Leon didn’t warn you.