10 Rules of Sexting Etiquette

You all asked for it, now you got it! Since people seem to be struggling as far as the rules of  engagement when it comes to flirting and technology, I am here to once again do my good deed for humanity and break down the rules for safe and effective smartphone flirting for all of man and womankind. Step into my office, and let’s rap a taste…

The Rules of Smartphone Flirting, or “Sexting”:

1.) Choosing your sexting partner needs to be considered as much as your choice of who your having sex with in the first place. In both cases, don’t do it with someone you don’t trust or you’re not comfortable with. For some reason, people can’t seem to follow this advice when it comes to sharing the bodies they were born with. Now that technology makes it easier to get your explicitly freaky point across, no one should be suprised that this convenience is being abused in the same manner.

    2.) If you’re doing something illegal(or cheating on someone), don’t text about it, take pictures, or make videos. A paper trail is a paper trail. A digital trail is especially damning, because it’s not going anywhere and can easily be thrown in your face or used in court. Ask Kwame Kilpatrick.

    3.) If your room is dirty, please don’t take “sexy” pictures there. People do look at the details in the background of a photo, so if your place looks like a sh*thole, you will end up being clowned. All of the T&A in the world can’t save you. Also, pay attention to little details of your photos, like handprints from guys smacking you on the ass at “professional” shoots.

      4.) Drunk texting is just as bad as drunk dialing, except instead of playing back the embarassing voice mails for her friends to laugh at, she’ll just show them the stuff you typed while at the bar or on the way home from that party. Ask Pat O’Brien.

      5.) Use the honor code. If you’re lucky enough to be dealing with someone who is into making “independent films” with you, don’t show them to outside parties. this is just a simple matter of common decency. I know a lot of folks are treacherous, self-serving jackasses, but I do believe that things come back to you when you knowingly do people dirty.

        6.) Be careful where you keep your homemade smut. A friend of mine who works in IT was telling me about a co-worker who had all kinds of home-grown freaky sex videos on his flash drive, and he’d plug it into his work computer where the IT department could see it. She claims that she had to review what content he had on there, then said that she could never look at her fat, greasy co-worker the same way ever again. She doesn’t really have to worry about seeing him anytime soon though, because he got fired on top of everything else.

        7.) LOCK YOUR PHONE WHEN IT’S NOT IN USE!!! Not only does that keep people out of your business, it prevents ass dialing, which happens when you put your phone in your pocket and accidentally text message or call the same people 15 times in a row. I’m a reformed ass-dialer, so I’m going to use this sentence to publicly apologize to the last two recipients of such annoying text messages: Ralph the Karaoke King from Madams Organ, and W. Ellington Felton.

          8.) Get permission before making a sex tape or taking naked photos of someone. Jail is not a good look this time of year…Or any other time of year, for that matter.

          9.) Don’t be creepy. If you’re not already having sex with this person, there is no reason to send illicit-themed messages with sexual overtones and/or nude pictures. Especially if you’re a guy. Women might be able to get away with a little more in this department. Most guys, even if they’re not attracted to a woman, aren’t going to call the police if she sends him an unwanted photo of her breasts. Usually, the sender will just become the object of ridicule. However, if a guy sends an unwanted d*ck pic to some unsuspecting woman, it’s a quick way to end up in a police car and on the evening news.

            10.) Pay attention to whom you are sexting. Imagine accidentally sending a picture of your penis to your mother, or receiving a picture of your daughter going down on some guy. Very unsettling, right? Remember that feeling the next time you are about to press “send” after finishing up an explicit text or e-mail.

            There you have it. Once again, I am helping to save the people of the free world from making asses of themselves. I do believe a Nobel Prize nomination for service to humanity is in order, so pass this along to the nominating committee for me please.

            Thanks in advance!

            Post Author

            This post was written by who has written 1743 posts on Yeah…I said it.

            Comedian, writer and Patron Saint of High Yellow.

            19 Responses to “10 Rules of Sexting Etiquette”

            1. jkc 12. Mar, 2009 at 3:11 pm #

              drunk texting can be worse than drunk dialing, cause there’s a record of it on your phone that you can go back and see.

            2. ListenToLeon 12. Mar, 2009 at 3:15 pm #

              True @ jkc. Still, nothing tops drunken voicemails like the infamous Pat O’Brien one from back in the day: http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/227154

            3. PBG 12. Mar, 2009 at 3:45 pm #

              I must agree w/you here. There are rules for everything, just to keep folks out of trouble and off the news.

              I don’t agree w/how these high school kids are being prosecuted for sexting when those laws were meant for child pornographers. The law needs to try and keep up w/technology. No 18yr. old boy needs to be made a registered sex offender just because he received a booty tootin’ pic from his fast-ass’d 16 yr. old girlfriend and got caught.

            4. The Common Share 12. Mar, 2009 at 4:20 pm #

              Were you aware that Kwame Kilpatrick’s 6,000 nasty ass text messages are now available for download. The Circuit Court in Detroit released them today. Here are the first 170 pages


              Proving your point. Boy, you got powers. Leon…I think you see stupid people. Be back when I find the rest of the pages.

            5. The Common Share 12. Mar, 2009 at 4:24 pm #

              More of Kwame’s filth, flarn, filth:


            6. Melo 12. Mar, 2009 at 4:26 pm #

              good list! lol

            7. Leigh 12. Mar, 2009 at 4:26 pm #

              I would like to say big up my coworker Jonallen Riggins for creating the term “ass dialing” before the butt dialing commercial came out. LOL

            8. Roman 12. Mar, 2009 at 6:14 pm #

              I love this….SO true!

            9. Natalie 12. Mar, 2009 at 7:13 pm #

              Rule #9 is CRUCIAL! I got a dick picture text from some guy (that I of course met at the Share. lol) and had only had casual conversation with one time! Not to mention he sent it in the middle of the day and I was at work when I opened it. I must say, hes lucky it was me though cause I actually got a good laugh outta it. But, then again, later that night, everyone who walked into the Share saw it. LOL! Nevertheless, I never spoke to him ever again.

            10. sylviaG 12. Mar, 2009 at 7:17 pm #

              holy cow this was quite enlightening! HA@ ass dialing. 2 thumbs up!

            11. E.Jay 13. Mar, 2009 at 10:24 am #

              Lol @ Kwame and Pat. Shameless.

              I agree with #8…and for the record, decisions made with the aid of alcohol are hardly decisions at all! More like: Jiminy Cricket fell off of your shoulder for a second. You should -unless you disagree- amend #8 (or #5) to say all images/videos should be deleted if you were dating and then broke up. Let’s just say the “terms of subscription” were violated and the guy no longer has wank rights to any “back-issues” lol.

            12. BritChick8682 14. Mar, 2009 at 7:40 pm #

              Much appreciated, Leon! Sadly, I have fallen victim and been a culprit of #3, #4, #7, #9…SMDH…

            13. Krisha 17. Mar, 2009 at 2:14 pm #

              #10 is why i always compose messages with the ‘to’ line blank until it’s proofed and ready. it’s easy to double-click your trackball on a blackberry!

            14. ListenToLeon 17. Mar, 2009 at 2:29 pm #

              @ Krisha, be careful with Blackberries!

              @ BritChick8682, I ass-dialed someone the same day that I wrote this, so NO ONE is perfect!

              @ E.Jay, I’m leaving that up to individual determination…Although those kind of reminders do lead folks to get the urge to “revisit” people from the past LOL

              Thanks @ SylviaG

              @ Natalie, that sounds like a Common Share story. All kinds of characters walked through the doors of that place!

              @ Roman, thanks

              @ Leigh, I need to meet this Jonallen guy since he invented the phrase. I still can’t get over the fact that there exists a black man on Earth named “Jonallen” LOL

              @ Melo, thanks

              @ The Common Share, I’m finally about to read Kwame’s text messages.

              @ the PBG, I agree.

            15. modi 18. Mar, 2009 at 10:49 pm #

              damn. the karaoke king though?

              but yeah, you’re right. 10 commandments of sexting.

            16. thejadedvoice 29. Jul, 2009 at 10:18 am #

              Yes… Always make sure you are texting the right person. I have learned the hard way.

            17. Maui Girl 04. Mar, 2010 at 8:17 pm #

              So my boyfriend cheated on me with this woman who is 30 years older than us. gross right. Sexting all the time and I found pics he took of her (his clothes are on the floor in the pic) like 20 pics of her naked smiling looking like a ridiculous old hag BTW she is spread eagle jacking-off and shoving things inside herself.

              Now I wouldn’t be so vengeful but I caught him sexting her 2 years ago and he swore it was over and he loved me and our daughter. So I took him back and just caught him again.

              This woman texted me saying I’m not enough woman for him and that there is nothing I can do to stop them.

              Can I legally post these pics and e-mail them around with her name, address, phone numbers? She is smiling for the camera and posing so it’s obvious she knows they are being taken.

            18. ListenToLeon 05. Mar, 2010 at 3:03 pm #

              @ Maui Girl, I’m sorry to hear about what you’re going through. I’m not a legal expert, but that does sound kind of illegal. I think that’s why celebs who usually get their photos leaked usually have their phones stolen 1st. That way, no one can figure out who released the pictures.

              Either way, I wouldn’t blame you for putting her on oldwrinkledsluts.com or something, considering what you’re dealing with!


            1. Yeah…I said it » Blog Archive » 2009’s Funniest Blog Entries - 04. Jan, 2010

              […] Here is THE definitive list of rules regarding the sending and receiving of sexy text messages, or “Sexting” as it’s called. http://listentoleon.net/index.php/2009/03/12/sexting-etiquette/ […]

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