Any very large Washington Redskins fans out there? If so, I need you to do me a favor, and slap some sense into Albert Haynesworth. I’d personally do it, but you know…he’s a giant human being. I have to ask my 300-pound muscle-bound readers to handle this for me, since it’s obvious Big Al would beat me to a bloody pulp. That, or sit on me. It’s gonna be hard to write funny stuff over here with Haynesworth’s foot on my head like that fellow from the Dallas Cowboys.
I can’t see what Haynesworth’s problem is. They are paying the man over $100 million dollars! For that much money, he’s supposed to play whatever defense the team tells him to. Haynesworth should be out there making superhuman, over-the-top, only-seen-in-video-games-where-one-person-is-actually-playing plays for $100 million! I know a whole lot of big people who can go out on an NFL field and do absolutely nothing but be big and fat the entire game, which is basically what he did most of last year. Therefore, Albert sacrificed the right to have his complaints taken seriously when he took all that cash from The Redskins. All the team has gotten in return is an enormous malcontent who under produces and stays hurt. Or, in more clinical terms, a big greedy sorry-ass crybaby.
Redskins linebacker London Fletcher said that if Haynesworth does not want to be there, he should give all that money back. You know that’s not happening. He needs that money. He has strippers to get pregnant!
I’m not going to waste too much breath on Haynesworth, because once again, DC is small and he might kick my ass someday. I don’t even think tazers work on people that big, so I know my punches and kicks won’t do a damn thing to him. Therefore, onto other Redskins-related subjects….
I’m glad we got Donovan McNabb and Mike Shanahan, but I have been a ‘Skins fan long enough to know better than to get too excited about it. I’ll just continue to root for them, but with low-to-moderate expectations. That way, I can only be pleasantly surprised.
As far as Santana Moss and his meeting with Dr. Steroid, I really don’t know what to say about that one. I really hope Moss wasn’t on HGH or any other performance-enhancing drugs last season, because if he was, it leads me to ask: “THAT’S the best he could do?!” Moss should have had way more touchdowns if he was on that stuff! I need to see Santana Moss literally dragging 6 New York Giants into the end zone, while smoking a Kool cigarette. Then, and only then, can I say the drugs were worth it. They must have sold that guy a placebo…
Despite all the jokes, I stand here before you and declare that I am still a fan of the Washington Redskins, and I will watch them, win lose or draw. However, I will also continue to talk sh*t. It is my inalienable right as an NFL viewer!Tweet