To all my gay and straight readers, I need your help for a minute. I’m going to describe something that happened to me on Friday and I need your opinion on the true meaning behind everything. Without further adieu, let me get down to the nitty-gritty…
Friday evening, I attended a happy hour at my friend’s house. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time on Monday when a melee ensued. As he went to protect an innocent female friend, he was jumped by six people. The happy hour was basically everyone’s way of checking up on him and giving him some company since he hasn’t been able to do too much this week.
I was my usual self that night, cracking jokes and holding court whenever possible. At one point, I was talking to a table full of men I’d never met before. As they were leaving, I shook hands with each of them and said “Great to meet you.”
Unfortunately, one of these fellows turned a simple handshake into something pretty unsettling. As the last dude shook my hand, he held his grip for a second, and proceeded to caress the front of my thumb with the front of his. I pulled my hand away off instinct, and gave him a “What the Hell is wrong with you” look. I thought about calling him out for that twiddle-thumbs foolishness he tried to pull, but I decided that I should just let it go out of respect for my friend’s house. My sister happened to be sitting nearby and she witnessed that nonsense, so we immediately started making jokes about that clown.
Heterosexual readers and homosexual readers, I need to know: Is the thumb rub a form of gay code? I have a strong feeling that this dude molested my hand hoping that I was going to make some kind of next move other than throw him out the front door like Uncle Phil on the Fresh Prince of Bel Air.
Seriously, to all of you who are thinking “Leon, you’re overreacting“, think about the last time someone shook your hand and held on just a little too long, or added some extra, unnecessary touchy-feely contact to it. IT’S ALWAYS CREEPY! This Does not have to be a gay or straight thing, although that makes this situation funnier since the dude chose a feeling-out process that actually involved feeling someone out.Tweet