Was That A Test?

To all my gay and straight readers, I need your help for a minute. I’m going to describe something that happened to me on Friday and I need your opinion on the true meaning behind everything. Without further adieu, let me get down to the nitty-gritty…

Friday evening, I attended a happy hour at my friend’s house. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time on Monday when a melee ensued. As he went to protect an innocent female friend, he was jumped by six people. The happy hour was  basically everyone’s way of checking up on him and giving him some company since he hasn’t been able to do too much this week.

I was my usual self that night, cracking jokes and holding court whenever possible. At one point, I was talking to a table full of men I’d never met before. As they were leaving, I shook hands with each of them and said “Great to meet you.”

Unfortunately, one of these fellows turned a simple handshake into something pretty unsettling. As the last dude shook my hand, he held his grip for a second, and proceeded to caress the front of my thumb with the front of his. I pulled my hand away off instinct, and gave him a “What the Hell is wrong with you” look. I thought about calling him out for that twiddle-thumbs foolishness he tried to pull, but I decided that I should just let it go out of respect for my friend’s house. My sister happened to be sitting nearby and she witnessed that nonsense, so we immediately started making jokes about that clown.

Heterosexual readers and homosexual readers, I need to know: Is the thumb rub a form of gay code? I have a strong feeling that this dude molested my hand hoping that I was going to make some kind of next move other than throw him out the front door like Uncle Phil on the Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

Seriously, to all of you who are thinking “Leon, you’re overreacting“, think about the last time someone shook your hand and held on just a little too long, or added some extra, unnecessary touchy-feely contact to it. IT’S ALWAYS CREEPY! This Does not have to be a gay or straight thing, although that makes this situation funnier since the dude chose a feeling-out process that actually involved feeling someone out.

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This post was written by who has written 1743 posts on Yeah…I said it.

Comedian, writer and Patron Saint of High Yellow.

18 Responses to “Was That A Test?”

  1. Jadxia 18. Apr, 2011 at 3:20 am #

    I had the same thing happen to me once, from a seemingly nice guy. It’s just a creep thing.

  2. BJ/Big Dixon 18. Apr, 2011 at 3:22 am #

    Yeah dawg…U are Now Gay….U wont be Un gay until U do that same maneuver to some unsuspecting young lad. Sorry but those are the rules. hhahahahahha

  3. BJ/Big Dixon 18. Apr, 2011 at 3:23 am #

    If he kicked your shoe while he did this. Then U are gay for 2 months….and it dont matter how many thumb rubs U do you wont be UNGAY til the 2 months has passed. LOL

    • ListenToLeon 18. Apr, 2011 at 3:32 am #

      No shoe contact, thank God. I guess I better start watching “Glee” now…LOL

  4. Belve10 18. Apr, 2011 at 3:26 am #

    This is when being less than sexy looking to all genders works in my favor.

    Thumb molestation is NOT a victim-less crime..

    Worse is the thought of what he might have wanted to do with his thumb..eckkk

  5. Liryc 18. Apr, 2011 at 10:19 am #

    This post made me laugh a little on the inside.. but the thumb rub definitely was a sign.. its like the inside palm scratch… now if you thumb rubbed him back then it would have been ON LIKE DONKEY KONG!!

  6. Andi 18. Apr, 2011 at 11:08 am #

    Having had the thumb rub by lusty men, all I can say is, I’m sorry, but Leon, you have a touch of the gays.

    It’s just a touch though, it’s not like you have the full on gays which are incurable. You’ll just be a little suspect for the next 6-8 weeks, and then it’ll pass.

    Lol didn’t you have some other story about some dude trying to give you glitter about the eye region. Whatchu doing over there?

    • ListenToLeon 20. Apr, 2011 at 6:12 pm #

      Don’t know what you’re talking about with eye glitter. I think you’re referring to the TV makeup they put on me when I did this cable access show in February.

  7. allawishis 18. Apr, 2011 at 3:37 pm #

    it may not neccessarly be a gay code. That happened to me a few time in Jamaica and I found out it is a for ma pound we give each other here.

    • ListenToLeon 20. Apr, 2011 at 6:10 pm #

      So what I should have asked was “Is that shit cool where you’re from?” huh?

  8. CurlyQ 18. Apr, 2011 at 5:15 pm #

    BJ – damn – you had me rolling over here with making him thumb rub someone back to be ungay again. HILARIOUS!

  9. Mr.6'5 18. Apr, 2011 at 7:52 pm #

    that’s just karma for threatening to harm my goatee.

  10. Shannon 19. Jan, 2013 at 10:37 am #

    Hahaha! The thumb rub means “respect” in Jamaica. It is not gay at all! Haha..

    • ListenToLeon 21. Jan, 2013 at 5:07 pm #

      Yeah, someone told me that it’s a good thing in certain cultures. I had no idea, clearly!


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