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My Cat From Hell | Yeah...I said it

My Cat From Hell

Pepper in his Sunday best stripper attire

Pepper in his Sunday best stripper attire

Jackson Galaxy, I need your help! My girlfriend’s cat, Pepper, is a hater. BIG TIME. Whenever I visit her Pepper waits for me to leave the room then pees in the exact spot where I was sitting. Readers: have you ever smelled fresh cat urine before? It is not for the faint of heart. Cats have that really strong ammonia pee. It’s definitely nasty enough for these incidents to be considered a form of biological warfare.

Pepper has been to the vet and they suggested putting him on Prozac to calm his anxiety issues. I do not think anxiety is the real issue. I believe Pepper is jealous of my existence and wants to kill me along with the other cat, Old Man. He obviously cannot, so instead…he pees on stuff. I really need someone to forward this to Animal Planet representatives from “My Cat From Hell” because I’m tired of helping to clean up Pepper’s spite piss.

I try to be nice to Pepper since he’s so adorable(see above) and loves affection, but sometimes he does things to show me he’s envious of me when I’m around. When that happens, I’ll occasionally engage in gentile cat-shaming. I’ll softy say something while I pet him to the effect of: “You’re a cat; YOU CAN’T WIN! Besides, you’re fixed. You can’t do what I can for her! You lil’ broke d**k pu**y…cat.”

I promise you, 99% of the time I’m tender, loving and sweet to that feline. You see the thanks I get for that? Pee strikes. Unfortunately for Pepper he’s just about peed himself out of a happy home. All parties involved are fed up with smelling his urine and having to check for nasty surprises on a regular basis.

I don’t know if many cat people read my blog, but if there are any cat lovers with patience interested in taking in an adorable almost 2 year old male, he’s free to a good home. Pepper is neutered and has all of his shots already. We both love him, but his reign of terror on my girlfriend’s apartment must come to an end. He’s either going to live with someone else, or get sent to a no-kill shelter. That is, unless Jackson Galaxy  decides to intervene and makes a breakthrough with Pepper like he does with the much more unstable cats he encounters on episodes of his show.

That’s where we’re at right now; this cat’s fate depends on a Reality TV miracle. Pepper made his bed, and he peed in it. Frequently. If anyone is seriously interested in providing a good home for him, let me know in the comments section or email me at listentoleon[at]me.com.

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This post was written by who has written 1738 posts on Yeah…I said it.

Comedian, writer and shake dancer on the Chippendale's Senior Circuit.

3 Responses to “My Cat From Hell”

  1. Eon 20. Aug, 2013 at 12:07 pm #

    You are getting pepper sprayed.. I say you fight fire with fire. Or rather, piss with piss

  2. travesti 05. Oct, 2013 at 5:13 am #

    thanks :))

  3. travesti 04. Nov, 2013 at 6:38 am #

    hi heloo

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