I decided to dedicate this year’s Valentines Mixtape to greasy R&B music. To qualify, the songs here had to fit these criteria:
- The artist performing it had to actually appear quite greasy
- The lyrical content had to be horny on a cartoonish level. Like, Glen Quagmire’s iPod-level horny
- The track could strictly have either one of these benchmarks on their own if it’s of epic, Biblical proportions
Basically, if “stank” had a sound, it would be this mixtape. Below, I have listed the tracks and linked to places where you can listen to them before committing to a download. Also, let me know what you think of the cover art. I was going for an early 1960’s R&B concert poster type of feel. I was also hoping to achieve a balance of tacky supple elegance. Let me know if there is enough lush luxuriousness in there to make your palate tremble uncontrollably. Happy Valentines Day! Here is the download link.
The System – You Are In My System This group single handedly kept S-Curl in business in the 80’s.
The Force MDs – Love Is A House Their curls and voices were the stuff of legend. Plus they made hump noises during this song.
Miguel – How Many Drinks He’s trying to get you drunk & penetrate you. Never trust a brother with a pompadour.
112 – U Already Know Because it’s a safe bet that this song has led to actual pregnancies.
Sevyn Streeter feat Chris Brown – It Won’t Stop Also a safe bet that some of you are walking around with child right now thanks to this song.
Levert – Baby I’m Ready I’m through chasing random butt, so come here baby & run your fingers through my hurr.
Aaron Hall – Don’t Be Afraid I’m pretty sure Aaron Hall just threatened to have his way with all of us. Gotta listen to those lyrics again…
Billy Ocean – Suddenly Billy Ocean was both greasy and ashy at the same damn time. Quite the accomplishment. Besides, this mixtape needs an actual love song since it’s Valentines Day.
Silk – Meeting In My Bedroom Easily the horniest bare-chested R&B group in an era ripe with flagrant over-the-top air hump gyrations and ridiculous male attempts to be sexy. This was the greasiest of their songs.
Silk – Lose Control Silk is so awesomely terrible that they get a double play. Somewhere, Keith Sweat is smiling.
Oran “Juice” Jones – The Rain – The end of this song is the greatest two minutes in R&B history.
Chuck Berry – My Ding A Ling Because Chuck was singing about a children’s toy. In no way was he referring to his d*ck.
Marvin Sease – Put Your Condom on Your Tongue Once again, if “Stank” had a sound, it would be Marvin Sease’s music.
Bonus Track: Full Force – Ain’t My Type of Hype More activator and stank, just because.
Once again, here is the link to download The Greasy R&B Valentines Mixtape.
* Note: I purposely left R Kelly off this year’s mixtape despite the fact that the man personifies this genre. To describe his latest album Black Panties as “n*ggerish” would actually be an insult to the N-word. It deserves better company than Black Panties. Someone tell “Tha Arrah” that he’s too old to still be singing about his 40+ year old sex life with people who are obviously not 40+.Tweet